Rigid to Flexible Attachment

what that what that almost always does is it causes rigid attachment meaning you have the rules that you learn from your parents right and then those go in your unconscious mind and then we're always using those rules to try to figure out how to navigate the world and how to predict the world and how to be in relationship that's the blueprint right so when we get older and we mature we have the potential to differentiate and when we say we're differentiating or actualizing right is another word we're differing we're differentiating we're becoming different from the rules that we learn from our parents right so we're recognizing those rules deciding if they serve us destroying them if they don't and then making new rules that's the process of differentiation that's a classic psychological process that i recommend everybody do it's very important but we're not really talking about that too much today but so what happens when you have early childhood attachment trauma is you have the rule and then you have your attachment to the rule it's quite literally how close are you to the rule or how closely do you follow that rule people that have rigid attachment usually due to early childhood trauma or instability or could be transgenerational trauma they very closely follow the rule and if they don't follow it right then they switch from being a good kid to a bad kid right their story of suffering goes from good to bad or bad to good um and so that's called rigid attachment and so most people have rigid attachment there's probably i don't know maybe 20 percent of the population has flexible attachment because their childhood went well it's not that common but it happens so if you have that great but if not then i recommend you learn how to switch or move from rigid attachment to flexible attachment and the reason for this is that it allows for you to have much more ability to not grasp for control in your day-to-day life and not beat yourself up or blame yourself when things go outside of your plan or outside of your control and so this is an important thing to develop over time um a lot of spirituality works on breaking attachment or getting rid of attachment or destroying the ego and though that is important right we do want to decrease the intensity of the attachment which is what happens when we destroy attachment we don't really ever destroy the attachment necessarily the attachments kind of there but how much we feed it how much we believe it how much it controls us is malleable