There was a piece of my soul stuck in the addictive pattern

because there was a piece of my soul stuck in the addictive pattern so one way to think about it is there's kind of a famous saying where in buddhism there's two types of suffering there's the suffering that you can transcend and there's the suffering that you have to just live out and so we all have both types of suffering there's a certain amount of suffering we have to train we can transcend and there's a certain amount of suffering that is just maybe karmic or whatever you're going to call it it's just it just has to be lived out so the problem that we get into especially as we get more conscious is i got to a point on the spiritual path where i could not do any addictive patterns of behavior at all and i was able to do that pretty successfully for over a year straight but i actually grew much more slowly because i needed to go into the patterning to heal and so i learned to recognize the addiction the addictive pattern i learned that i was leaving my integrity and then i learned to not do it but what it ended up doing was it wasn't actually in it wasn't a level it was less personal integrity because there was a piece of my soul stuck in the addictive pattern that i could only free by doing the addiction consciously