Four months of fear of life

And then that was like four months of fear of life. And then I was like, oh, I'm not afraid of dying anymore. And what I realized was that my mind had taken all of these, you know, being bullied or break up with a girlfriend or breaking my leg or all these different, very specific kind of low points and balled them into this one spot in my mind or my psyche and said, this is. death, avoid it, be scared Right?

And so, and then it just all unknotted. Um, so yeah, and then and then the next day I got I went, I cut off retreat and I was feeling better. And then became actually, no, right after, so I had like two hours, I felt better, and then right after, I got very, very scared again. Was different, totally different, but very scared.

And I was like, oh, what is this? I was like, oh, this is your fear of life. From like fear of death process, and then within a couple hours, it was fear of life. And then that was like four months of fear of life.

Like, I was, it was just like my baseline anxiety was up like 60% for three months. It was like jumpy, and people dropped stuff. You're like, oh, you know, and I was always processing all these different, like, little, and it was so different. The fear of death was like this like contracted, like, very tight knot.

And then fear of life was just this like expansive field of little fears that like I had to kind of go through every day, a couple every day.