There was nothing in me

My whole life, I had gone through life and I would look inside and there was nothing there. And I would go around and meet other people and it was as if there was something in them, but there wasn't anything in me. Now, was there actually something in them? Probably not.

I don't really know. But what I do know is there was nothing in me. And so what happened is I would get easily pushed around by social dynamics, what people wanted from me. I was a big people pleaser, so I would get pushed around by that fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, all those things.

And it was because I didn't have any sense of a healthy sense of transmission or personal transmission inside of me. Right? And so once I began, once this began to appear in my body and I began to get a hold of it and feel it, I was like, oh, this is me. This is Scott.

This is Scott-ness, suchness. This is my frequency. This is my energy. This is my baseline me-ness.

And then it just began to settle and almost becomes a shape, kind of like in the liquid armature. I have it as a temple spire, but something like that, almost like a mountain. And it's always there.