Be the space the fight is in

Problem is we become the fight and then we switch sides. what tends to happen with trauma is when you have multiple conflicting paradoxical emotions at the same time, like you feel powerful and weak at the same time, or good and bad at the same time, or you want it and don't want it at the same time, or whatever it is, that tends to get where the trauma will then get stuck. And then we go into addictive behaviors and avoid the loss or the pain. That's why spirituality is good.

You have to keep being able to hold the paradoxical and allow the fight to exist without being the fight. Right. Problem is we become the fight and then we switch sides. And then we get stuck and then we get it's so uncomfortable that then we go into addictive behavior.

Instead, it's like, oh no, the fight is there. I can sympathize or I can connect with both sides, but I'm actually the space that the fight is occurring in. And then when you're not, when you don't, when you're able to do that, then it's not so bad. And then you can learn to tolerate it.

But if you're too rigidly attached to a specific story of a self, you know, then you can't do that.