I Am Not the Mind, I Am the Mind: How Awakening Unfolds | Satsang Talk

What am I? What is love? What is pain? These questions have driven spiritual seekers for thousands of years.

In the guided meditation, I find myself adapting some of the more traditional Advaita Vedanta, non-dual neti-neti teachings to a modern application of current spiritual evolution. Advaita Vedanta and the practice neti-neti, meaning no, no, or not this, not that, has had a profound impact on my own spiritual path. For example, one night it felt as if, well, maybe longer than one night, but that Nisa Gardada was speaking to me in my mind for all night long, probably longer actually, but definitely for a night or maybe a week or so.

And ever since then, it was as if I had this to me, it felt like I excuse me, to me, it felt like that I met that I met him, I met Nisa Gardada in the energetic world or something like that. That it's very similar to when I meet someone in the everyday world, but it felt in that moment that I had gotten his transmission. And once his transmission resonated or came into me, then it was as if there was my humanness or my spirit-ness or somewhere in between was unpacking all of all of that information, that pattern, that energetic transmission.

And then it was just like it was a lens or something, and then it was just viewing my whole mind and consciousness and emotions and experiences through the lens of Nisa Gardada's energetic transmission. And then I had this experience for about a week, probably, where the whole time it was as if Nisa Gardata was just talking. I could literally hear talking all the time in my head for like a week. The first day I couldn't sleep, so intense, but then it calmed down, but it was kind of always there.

That happened with Shunryu Suzuki, and it's happened to me multiple times with different teachers, a number of times actually, but regardless. So I find those teachings very helpful. Looking at what's looking out of your own eyes was a guided meditation that Adyashanti did when I was on retreat with him probably about a long time ago. I don't know, 20 years ago.

I'm just not sure, about 20 years ago. But the way that I view the path of spiritual awakening, the way that I view it is I view things in three-dimensional images in my body, and then I need to find a way to translate them to the kind of everyday world of language and speech. And because of that, sometimes I don't know what to say because it's as if I'm seeing a picture, but I don't know which part to paint first. And it's hard to kind of paint all the aspects because then it's as if nothing, there was no direct point made, if that makes sense.

So if I sound a little tangential or scattered, I apologize. This is just kind of how my brain works in this kind of very creative way. Especially when I'm talking about spirituality, it can be quite tangential. Let me see.

So, Advaita Vedanta or non-dual, I think one of the great aspects of it is that they largely in the 70s, I believe it was in the 60s, but they re-invigorated or re-enlivened the idea that anybody can awaken at any moment right now that we are all Buddhas, we are all enlightened, and we just don't see it. And so, it directly contradicts the viewpoint that we must do a ton of effort and heal everything and purify ourselves or fix all the broken aspects of our consciousness or our identity so that we quote-unquote deserve to be enlightened.

So, I just want to say that up front because I've noticed there can be a lot of confusion and a lot of the word is conflict, but disagreement in the spiritual communities regarding this idea of if enlightenment or awakening is spontaneous or if it is a process that occurs over long periods of time. And my view is that mostly it's both. It is both spontaneous and it is something that occurs over long periods of time. However, I should make the caveat: long periods of time, I don't believe it has to be that long.

For example, I think probably if people had the right set of circumstances and put the effort in, could be very close to living from abiding awakening, which is what I call enlightenment. I don't know, maybe after seven years of practice or something like that is quite reasonable. My guess is that as the whole world and society progresses and gets more conscious and the densities within communal consciousness get lighter, that will actually be even quicker to become fully awakened. So regardless, so I think that Advaita Vedanta and Nisargadatta and Sri Ramana Maharshi and some of those teachers, they've been very helpful with that.

And then there's modern teachers such as Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie, both who are kind of more on the spontaneous awakening kind of side of things. And then other teachers maybe are more on the progressive side, like Yongo, Mingo, Rinboche, or more traditional Tibetan Buddhist or Zen Buddhist teachings to a degree. So I just kind of want to name that. So I kind of see it both ways.

I believe that for some people it is the case that things happen quite rapidly and spontaneously. For example, I had only been meditating for three months, about 20 minutes a day, five days a week, before I had my first significant awakening. It lasted for four months. It was very powerful and radically transformed my life.

And that was, I would relatively argue, that was basically spontaneous. However, my identity structure did come back. And so then, and that's kind of a different story. So, but what I want people to do, what I want my students to do, and what I think recommend people do, is to get to know themselves and get to know the rhythm of themselves, like the rhythm of the ocean that moves inside of you, if that makes sense.

So, for example, we all, what the Liquid Armature, my three-dimensional model, the Liquid Armature, and the Theory of One and Two are really about is that there are underlying rhythms and patterns that pervade all of human existence and consciousness and that are the same in all of us. And that if you can identify those, become very sensitive to those and put a very high value on those, then you can achieve mastery of your own suffering and your own emotional instability, your own path towards liberation and freedom.

And so, that being said, there is a pattern to the process of awakening itself, which is what I want to talk about a little bit. And so, that process of awakening is both spontaneous and gradual at the same time. So, for example, and then that then happens on three different levels. So, from my perspective and my viewpoint on the path of spiritual awakening, we need to fully awaken on the level of mind, fully awaken on the level of heart, and fully awaken on the level of gut.

And those are all three distinct awakenings. Actually, I would say, at least for me, it was a minimum of two awakenings on each level, probably more. But each cycle or each pattern that I'm describing was two awakenings, and then a process in between. So, for example, if we awaken on the level of mind, awakening on the level of mind is recognizing or realizing that I am not my mind, I am not my thoughts, I am not my memories, I am not my preferences, I am not my judgments, I am not the story in my head.

So, when somebody says, I've had an awakening, or they think we've had an awakening, what usually that means, at least the first one, is usually that they've awakened on the level of mind. And so, what happens when you awaken on the level of mind is you had, say, if this is these bowels are your thoughts, right? And then this is your sense of a self or your awareness, it's grasping the bells, right? So it goes, oh, this is what I am, I'm the bells.

And then when you have an awakening, the bells disappear, and then what's left is just what's grasping. You see? And you go, oh, I'm not grasping at anything anymore. Oh, so I'm not the bells.

What am I? And it creates this temporary gap, right? The identity dies temporarily in the awakening. And then you're left with this gap, and the bells eventually come back, and the identity comes back.

And now, the difference after you've had an awakening on the level of mind is you can never fully believe that whatever is in your mind is what you are, right? You can never believe that you are the bells. You can never believe that you are the story of your mind. That doesn't mean that you won't go back into confusion or delusion or contraction.

Most people do, I did. That's a different process. But what it does mean is it's like once you see past the curtain, the lie, and once when you see past the lie, what's actually happening is you're temporarily experiencing what it's like to not have a self. And that experience is so relieving and comforting and feels right and feels infinite and feels at home, right?

It feels like there's this goodness to it, that it's always been like this and will always be like that. That's how awakenings always feel. Realizations always feel like that. So that's what you can't forget.

You see, it feels so natural and so bright, for lack of a better word, so much what you truly are that you'll never, you actually never forget it. You'll go unconscious again for sure, but part of you never forgets. You'll never be satisfied with the dream anymore. You'll never be satisfied with the story or the lie or the false self or the illusion because you've touched what you truly are and you've been there.

And everything pales in comparison, right? And so that's kind of the beginning of this whole thing. And so if we take that and then say, what is the completion of awakening on the level of mind? Well, then we have to, there's this gap that's created and we need to widen the gap, right?

So then there's this process of integration that occurs where the universe tests us and we're kind of go into and out of contraction and into and out of belief around stories or perspectives or different selves, right? And so that's going on. Also what happens in the process of awakening is we kind of gain a superpower, so to speak, meaning we now know on some level, that we are not our thoughts. And so, often what's created is this experience of the witness.

And the witness is often can be kind of in the back of the head or up a little bit, but it's like this part of us that when, for whatever reason, we get scared or we're just, maybe there's different reasons why, but that we just know that we're not the human complexities and annoyances of our mind. And so, what's happened, right, when you have that awakening on the level of mind, that first part of the awakening, you recognize first you thought you were human, and then you thought during the awakening that you weren't human and you were spirit, right?

Oh, look at I'm not human. That's interesting. And then now your identity structure comes back, and the thoughts come back. Oh, wait, now I'm human again.

Oh, so now you're both spirit and human. So, often when you're spirit and you've had an awakening in the level of mind, it takes on the shape of the witness, right? And so, the conclusion of that path is when there's no longer separation between the human part and the spirit part, right? So, that witness perspective has fully dissolved, and the thoughts and the belief in thoughts and the attachment of thoughts has also dissolved.

And so, what happens is when you dissolve both of those, then you can fully inhabit the space of mind, right, which is this vast, quiet, still, bright, decisive potential space, right? Without really grasping onto anything and without feeling like you have to use it for something. And so, then the space of the mind becomes this powerful tool and also this refuge of peace and calm and lightness. And so I don't necessarily have the words, all of the words for what I'm talking about.

This relatively new framework that I'm beginning to kind of more fully understand. Let me see. Yeah. So, so, so, yeah, so maybe I guess I do have some more words.

So, so what happens is in the awakening, the first awakening, it is, I am not the mind, right? And then the second awakening is, I am the mind. This seems very counterintuitive, but that's that's how it goes. So, that's the pattern, and it goes through all the different awakenings.

So, the pattern goes, Say in the, we'll do the mind real quick, so it's a little confusing. So, so it basically goes, I'm not my mind, or I'm not my thoughts. Okay, I'm spirit. Good.

And then you begin to integrate, you process those losses, you process the different stories and attachments. And then you get to a point where you've let go so many of them that then it flips. And then the next awakening is, I am the mind. This is somewhat confusing.

So yeah, so that's largely the pattern. And that pattern repeats on the level of heart and then also on the level of gut. Right. So once again, with the level of heart, you have awakening on the level of heart.

You have a big heart opening. I'll just go through it somewhat quickly. But you have a big heart opening. And then you recognize that you are not your emotions, but what you are is unconditional love.

Oh, right. So I'm unconditional love. I'm no longer the witness. I am the loving witness.

Right? Still witness, kind of, but now I'm loving. It's better. But this is also, I didn't mention before, but this is how spiritual bypassing is born.

So spiritual bypassing, which is another important topic, is born out of awakening, meaning the superpower, which is you are now unconditional love. That's a superpower. It's super helpful, very, very helpful. But also, when used by the ego, it rapidly turns into spiritual bypassing and becomes very unhelpful.

All right. And then, so it starts with, I am not emotions, right? And then of course it has to come full circle. So then the end or the second awakening is I am emotions, right?

And then same with the level of gut. I am not the pain body. You know, I'm not pain or I am not the power. Pain, but yeah, sense of power can be both.

And then I am pain. I am power. Right? I am the body, right?

Simpler way as I am the body. I am not the body is the first awakening on the level of gut, and then I am the body is the second. And so what I'm talking about is actually pretty complicated, so might require more details or specifics, but it's kind of an entry point and something that I recommend you explore. And I think would be it's good to ask questions about.

And one thing that I'll say right before I wrap up with the talk is that there is a there is a famous I think it's Zen Koan and it's something like first there was a mountain then there was no mountain, then there was a mountain again. So that's that is uh a simplified way of describing the pattern of awakening that occurs on each level of awakening.